Man Alert: Mr Narcissistic

Beware of Mr Narcissistic my friend when the moon is big and fat, he’ll be waiting for you to become intoxicated to increase his chances to play.

That was my error, with more pints of alcohol in me than of my own blood I stumbled into the deadly Mr Narcissistic’s grasp.

He was attractive, available and better yet interested. The alcohol reduced my resistance and before I knew it I was hailing a taxi back to his.

The morning after is never pretty, on films they never show it unless the night had been a disaster. Clumsily trying to reverse your rear out of bed while maintaining your dignity is a task in itself but struggling to live down the embarrassment of being another notch on his bedpost proves the most difficult task of all. I had been caught in the snare of the Narcissistic.

So what to do if you find yourself victim to a Narcissistic? And further more how can you tell when you’re dealing with a Narcissistican?

To differentiate this male from the rest watch out for these signs:

• He’ll be always keen to check his appearence using whatever means possible. He knows all the possible options available to him from the car mirror to the kitchen kettle. Observe him when he’s observing himself. Does he sway from left to right to find his best profile? Does he pout or do any other ridiculous facial expressions? Has he been staring for longer than a minute? If yes to any of these you may have a potential Narcissistic on your hands.
• He doesn’t walk he swaggers.
• In passing he’ll make comments about other girls, either about past relationships or how great his sex life is. Any unnecessary bragging about his conquests will mean you have a Narcissitic guaranteed.
• When you leave the next morning he gives you a pat on the bum and says: ‘Run along now.’
• Another morning after scenerio is when you discover female belongings dotted all around his room and he doesn’t even have a girlfriend.
• He has a comments book where you can rate his performance.

So what do you do if you have ticked any of these? Don’t scream and hurl yourself out the window, it may seem like a good option but it will only end in tears (and broken legs.) If you have yet to make physical contact with this man then I suggest you back away. The rejection will surely do wonders and brusie his giant inflated ego. If you have only contributed to his vainity by becoming an occuptant of his bed then opt for the emergency proceedure, act like he would before he does it first. Yes, it makes no sense in writing and it probably doesn’t make much sense in action either.

On him awakening you should already be getting dressed, act cool and composed and then say these few significant words:

‘Sorry babe gotta run, maybe I’ll call you sometime.’

This is the Narcissistics most treasured motto, it is the formual to which they all live and breathe by. By getting in there first the Narcissistic will be knocked off his guard and fall face first into the heap of rejects. You however will claim one golden point for the female population in this fight against the Narcissistics, someone should speak to the female WAGs however who are doing an appalling job.

Tags: boyfriends, Narcissistic, sex